Frustration. Yep. That would describe where I'm at on a certain subject. What subject is that? Body. Size. Health. Body Image. I know, I know. It's the main subject/topic for a lot of people. I know I'm just hitting a bumpy spot and that I need to push through, but there are some days that are just so hard!
It is so much easier to put on the weight than it is to lose the weight! It certainly didn't happen over night. Should have seen me in high school! Going to the gym was a daily routine, as was tanning and I can only say....DAMN I LOOKED GOOD!
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| In the black, senior prom, April 2000 |
Then college came along. Hello beer, fast food drive thru, cramming food while cramming for classes. Would I change a minute of it? Nope, not a chance. It wasn't just the freshman 15, it was the 4 year 40! Well, maybe not 40, but I did fluctuate with my weight on and off during college. But, again it was easier because I was *dreaded thought*
YOUNGER and things seemed to come off a little faster...
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| My BFF and I in San Francisco |
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| With the same BFF a year later, with a few more added muffins |
Graduating college meant that I had to grow up, and with that I thought my health sort of went along with it. But, it doesn't happen like that. I got my first real job and, of course, discovered the joy of going out to lunch with my friends. The weight has come on and I'm leaving the 20's tunnel and heading into the 30's, and this crap just isn't as easy as it used to me. Getting a full time job, eventually taking a job teaching, and then coaching plus having friends and family leaves very little time left in a day. During the school year, there are some days that I work 12 hours between games, practice and just classroom stuff; I come home to papers to grade, lessons to plan, and the end result is complete exhaustion. Wait, I know exactly what this post needs...
to accompany my bad case of....
This truly isn't the reason for my post. But, I thought that background was needed to understand me better. Being tired isn't an excuse to stop taking care of yourself. I know this. In the last 2 years my health has become an issue and my weight and activity have become more of a concern, again that getting older thing comes back to haunt me. My first scare was high blood pressure. I even was hospitalized because it was so high, dehydration had a lot to do with that, but the fact is that it scared me. My dad and his family has a history of heart disease. My grandmother died in her 60's from a heart attack, my father had a stint put in his artery to prevent some blockage and he also developed diabetes. The odds are really against me when it comes to this part, as I can't change my genes...but I can change my jeans!
Last April a friend of mine convinced me it was time to take a gym class together. I wasn't really into it; I had a routine, and classes make me uncomfortable. But, she was into it, she had been really working hard, so I was suckered into joining. We decided to take a Zumba class from our neighborhood rec center. It was one night a week for an hour and a half. O.M.G, I almost died! I was sweating and working parts of my body I had no clue worked anymore. But, I felt pretty good afterwards, and the best part was that I had so much fun. Going and working out with a friend is so much better than working out by yourself and we laughed so hard. We had recruited several more friends to go, and it was a party. I began to look forward to the weekly class...what? Liking a workout? So NOT me!
My good friend, the same one that convinced me that taking the first class was a great idea, was talking me into joining a gym. The pressure was on. My friends were going to start taking classes together at the gym, but did I really want to make that commitment (Geez, I spend more money on mindless things, yet I'm worrying about $22 a month). I also worried that I wouldn't use the membership, but I joined anyway. Pretty soon, I was going to 2 or 3 classes a week, but only with my friends. Thankfully, my friends are really good at making me feel guilty, so I kept up with the gym, showing even when I didn't want to because I didn't want to let them down. The next thing you know, I'm going now even more and trying new classes, and going without my friends. I am up to 5 classes a week. I discovered kickboxing and an instructor who refuses to let people slide with bare minimum. I've been going consistently for 4 months. And, my confidence with going is higher. I don't depend on my friends anymore, so there's a step. Here is where my frustration comes in:
One of my instructors said last week...stop looking in the mirror. Look at what your body can do and be proud. Instead of saying, "my legs are fat," you should say,"my legs really helped me get through that last kickboxing class." Hm. That's an interesting thought, and I might try to start looking at it that way. Because at this point, I'm looking for anything to keep me motivated! Change is hard, and usually I do everything in my power to stop change. Although I know this healthy and a way of life that will be a positive change...I have to keep powering through. Perhaps a small montage of changes will help...
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| January 2009 |
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| March 2009 |
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| May 2009 |
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| June 2009 |
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| August 2009 |
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| November 2009 |
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| March 2010 |
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| April 2010 |
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| May 2010 |
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| June 2010 |
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| July 2010 |
I don't see much change in those pictures. Bottom line. I'm frustrated, but I'm keeping up. Thanks to my friend Erika and Alicia for forcing me into getting in shape and for being my gym buddies. Thanks to the best instructor, Ebony, for making me work harder each time. And a big thank you to the smaller pants hanging on my door as a reminder of what my goals are.
