Love? An interesting four letter word that surrounds us everyday, but is seems to suffocate us during certain times of the year...like now. I'm not cynical, I swear. I love my friends and family; I have been in love before. It's just that it seems that this time of year...until, I don't know, February, the word love and relationships take on a whole new meaning. Next year I'm going to be 29, which is really close to 30 and I can't help but look around me and think that this word and the pressure society has put on us to fall in love has taken on a different role in my life. I dread New Years because there never seems to be anyone I want to kiss at the strike of midnight, and please don't get me started on the upcoming Valentine's Day! Ack!
Let me explain. I'm a single and find my independence to be crucial. I've never been taught to just settle for anything. I fight for what I want; I work hard for the things in my life, and I take the matter of love very seriously. But, like a lot of people I fell to the society pressure...find love. In this day and age, you'd think that people would have it out of their heads that you have to be settled down and married by a certain age. Hasn't the term, "old hag" or "spinster" become obsolete? But either way, I was approaching the age of 25, and for whatever reason I was convinced that being in love and getting married was something I had to do. So, I began dating a guy and forced it to be the perfect situation. It was far from perfect, but 9 months into the relationship I agreed to marry this person. I was planning the perfect wedding to the most imperfect person. Reality hit me about 3 months from the wedding and I ended the engagement. It didn't stop me from thinking that I needed to keep searching. The next couple of years I searched and searched, and became miserable in the area of love. I don't know what hit me or how it hit me, but I realized that forcing a relationship isn't the answer. I needed to find who I was in order to find the one that could love me. Wow! Talk about a reality check. I'm a different person now. I look around at my life, and I am happy. I have a career that I love; I have a supportive family, amazing friends, and I am accomplished. I have been able to take care of myself, and whether someone came into my life right now or not, my happiness would not change. I wouldn't allow another person to take away something I have worked so hard to get, they would need to enhance my life. I don't search for that person anymore. I don't go out to look specifically for a significant other. I guess I just feel like if it was meant to be then that person would walk into my life.
This doesn't stop this "issue" from being apart of my life though. I look around and I know I am not alone. Most of my friends are in the same situation. I have several friends that have gone through break up after break up, divorces, and bad match.com dates. We are given stories like Online Dating Dangers and 36 Things Every Single Girl Must Do. What do we do with these things? It's like we, the females, are expected to make the changes. We walk on egg shells around what is expected of us. People pity us because we haven't found "a nice guy" to settle down with. What is that? Shouldn't we be commended for taking a stand on what we want, and not becoming another marriage statistic gone bad?
I have often wondered if we (woman seeking decent men) are asking too much? But, then I remember that we should never have to settle and I can't help but think that society needs to step it up to our standards. I look at myself and my best friends and think, there is no way that we aren't good enough for someone. I guess what I am really saying, in this mess of a babble, is that we are the normal ones. We are waiting and holding out for the right one...whatever or whoever that might be. With so many other pressures in this world, why should something as wonderful as love be included in on that list?
Just a few thoughts...
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