Waking Up...Ahhhh...That Wasn't What I Expected!

You know that feeling when you wake up after a really long nap? A little groggy at first, but then slowly things start to clear up? That's the feeling I had last week. Last week was the start to summer break, and it was like that groggy part of the nap. I felt the weight of the year lifting slowly off my shoulders, but yet, I felt really antsy. I wasn't really sure what I should do with myself. Mason and I eased our way into the week. We took it slow, went to soccer practice, grocery store, swimming, sonic happy hour, and read under the ceiling fan at the end of a hot day. It was great.

On Friday, my mom and I decided that a quick girls trip to Newport Beach, California was needed. We wanted a chance to lay comatose on the beach and do nothing. That was exactly what we did, but notice that I will not be posting any pictures from the trip. Why? Because that groggy feeling has worn off and the clarity has set in. On Friday, Mom and I headed to Balboa Island after arriving in Newport. We walked the tiny main street and found a cute little Italian restaurant to eat dinner. While walking past a store window, I didn't recognize the person I saw. Why is that person wearing that shirt when her stomach is so big? Reality? Even though this was one of the best, most relaxing weekends in a long time, I am waking up to the world around me, the world that I had been ignoring since last June, and it's not very pretty. In the back of my mind, I keep hearing:

I know, I know. You're not supposed to call yourself fat. It's not good for your self esteem, but looking like this isn't good for your self esteem either! I wish I could blame someone for this, but in the end, it was my own doing. Remember when I was going to the gym every day? I miss those days, and I am hoping to get those days back. I stopped taking care of myself and as a result...I have a lot of work to do! I even knew I was making bad choices, but I turn to food for comfort. So, here's how it would go...

A busy day of working would result in skipping lunch. So, by the time I was leaving work I was starving. Driving by McDonald's, Taco Bell, etc, I would think to myself it wouldn't be so bad; after all, I hadn't eaten since this morning. Maybe once in awhile this would have been acceptable, but 2 to 3 times a week (OK, sometimes more) is not healthy. My other favorite excuse for eating was when something happened that upset me during the day. For example, lets say one of the students would call me a four letter word or tell me that I sucked as a teacher - Ben and Jerry's it is! Ice cream solves all problems, right? Well, the kids still called me four letter words and the fridge still had to be stocked with chocolate chip cookie dough and Cherry Garcia, so I'm thinking the problem was not solved by getting the tub of ice cream out and a spoon.

Damn! My pants were getting tighter. You would think I would have taken the hint then. Nope, I just went and bought bigger pants. I cut the tags out and no one would know the difference. When I went and talked to the doctor, he said that I was going to struggle with weight loss because of the stress. The word cortisol was discussed. Doing a little research I discovered that women, in particular, will have high levels of cortisol during stress situations. It's not bad in short spurts of stress because it gives energy. But, in chronic stress situations it can lead to high blood pressure and the worst - abdominal fat! Hello! That makes sense! I kept waiting on a baby to arrive with the way my stomach was pooched out! Apparently, in 9 months I wouldn't have a baby, but in 9 months I might have some relief! I haven't exercised since July of last year! Walking up and down the stairs at the school was difficult. I avoided leaving my classroom except when coming and going to work because that limited me to walking up and down the stairs to 4 times a day. Pathetic right??

Like I said, I have a lot of work to do...on myself. Here we go again! The battle of the bulge! In April, I started taking some small strides towards fitness. I joined a water aerobics class at our local aquatics  center. I have been going twice a week. I haven't seen much weight loss, but I have seen parts of my body starting to look better - I am not quite in danger of knocking myself out with the teacher flap when I raise my arms! I'm walking the track at the park near my house, and I have been using 5 pound weights to do some basic arm exercises. I'm also doing different sets of sit ups and crunches. It seems so small considering what I used to do, but trust me, it hasn't been easy to jump back into the exercise routine. It's that getting older thing and the fact that I have been allowed to be LAZY for so long. No more!

I have some goals! I leave for Vero Beach on July 3rd. I am realistic, but I think I can lose 5 pounds before I go. I will do some kind of activity every day until then. It may only be sit ups, but it's going to happen no matter what! And, I refuse to diet (it doesn't work!), but I am going to watch what I eat. I'm forcing myself to eat at home and make better choices! For example, at lunch I ate a handful of grapes with my sandwich instead of a handful of chips. It's a start.

I have more goals, but I want to accomplish this goal first and then take it from there! Wish me luck!